


Living Louder

by ToukoTai



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Coma AU, Gen, Hiro Dies, Tadashi Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 21:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4035922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToukoTai/pseuds/ToukoTai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you just miss someone. You enter an alley just as they turn the corner and all you get is a little flash of them and they're gone.<br/>Hiro lives a full but short life.<br/>It's still up in the air what sort of life Tadashi will live.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living Louder

**Author's Note:**

> Title from:
> 
>  
> 
> [Living Louder by The Cab](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHR9WIgl2ro)

_If today's the day I die_   
_Lay me down under the lights_   
_Let me fall in love_   
_Let me save a life_

  
He missed the funeral. He missed the funeral and the burial and the always awkward wake. He missed the grieving and the acceptance and the moving on.

He missed his brother.

By one year.

He woke up to a world that left him behind, that kept turning, taking his friends, and his family with it. Taking his little brother from him.

He woke up.

Six years later.

Hiro was dead.

And he wasn’t.

 

It’s rough. The first few months. He’s not adjusting well. Doesn’t want to adjust at all. It’s his fault. _His fault_. Hiro needed him and he wasn’t there. He wasn’t there when his little brother _died_. He wasn’t there because he ran into a building on fire to save someone who hadn’t wanted or needed saving. He finds out _everything_. About Callaghan, the microbots, Baymax. About Big Hero Six, the thing his brother started. The thing that ultimately did him in. It’s not a comfort to know Hiro died a hero, it’s no comfort at all. (he doesn’t blame his friends even though he knows they expect it. Hiro was his responsibility, not their’s. And he knows how persuasive his brother can-could be.)

 

He gets released to go home. Hiro’s side of the room mocks him. Everything is the same and yet so very different. The decorations and general stuff had changed with Hiro’s expanding interests. (There’s a diploma from SFIT framed on the wall) Reminds him of how little he knows the Hiro that died. Of how much he missed. He’s short tempered and upset and he just wants his brother and six years of time back. But life doesn’t work like that. You make your choices and you live with the consequences.

Even if you can’t.

 

Gogo’s the one that finally gets fed up. Or maybe they all are, but she’s the one that acts. Drags him over to Hiro’s computer, and dumps him in the chair. She stops his squirming with a glare.

“Hiro,” She begins. “Kept a video journal.” The computer is already on and humming happily, she taps in a number for the password screen. (How had she known what it was?) “ _You_ ,” She continues, as the desktop background of black with the dark red angry face of Megabot comes up. “Are going to watch some entries.” She moves the mouse over and clicks on a folder icon. “And see the kind of man he grew into.” A folder pops up, with more folders, each one labeled with a year. She nudged the mouse over to him. “Pick one. I’ll be right here.” She drops onto Hiro’s bed, a move complete in familiarity that tells Tadashi she’s done it many times before. Kicking her shoes off and pulling a book off the stack on the side table.

Tadashi swallows, and picks from the year that Hiro was eighteen. A random one. The video screen comes up immediately, showing a sunny afternoon, Fred lounging on the bed reading a comic book and a bored looking Hiro front and center. Tadashi’s breath catches in his throat.

“So it’s been a month since I’ve turned eighteen and uh…” Behind him Fred snickered on the bed. “Aunt Cass gave me this letter that got shoved under the cafe door last night. I really don’t see why they couldn’t have just used the mailbox, or, ya know, _emailed_ it but whatever.”

“Oh that’s a good one.” Gogo says from behind Tadashi. On screen Hiro holds up a blue lined notebook page, eyes flicking back and forth as he reads. And oh no. Tadashi can tell what this is. Hiro holds the letter right up to his face and then pulls it away at arm’s length. His face a mass of confusion.

“What does this mean?” He hissed.

“It means someone _likes_ you.” Fred sung out from the bed. Hiro whirled around, his back now to the camera.

“Likes me? Plenty of people like me! I’ll have you know I am a likable person!” His brother threw his hands up in the air, one hand still holding the letter. “No ones sent me _letters_ about it before!”

“You weren’t eighteen before little dude.”

“Hey, _hey_. I _grew_.” Hiro jabs a finger at Fred.

“Believe me, I know. _Everyone_ knows.”

“What does that _mean_? Why are you saying it like that?!”

“It means you’re legal now.”

“I don’t follow.” Which prompts Fred to launch into a dramatic rendition of his version of the birds and the bees. Tadashi has to put his face in his hands, only his brother. On the bed Gogo snorts in laughter. Tadashi exits out and picks another one.

 

This one doesn’t have any words, just Hiro rocking back and forth in the desk chair listening to music from his headphones, humming along with the melody. His eyes are closed and his fingers drum along the wood of the desk to the beat, meanwhile the chair is rocking harder and harder. Tadashi can almost see it coming when Honey Lemon enters the frame and places a hand on Hiro’s shoulder. Hiro’s shriek is comically loud and shrill, Tadashi can’t help the burst of laughter as on screen his brother flails and topples over backward with a crash.

“Oh my gosh! Hiro!” Honey Lemon vanishes as she ducks under the desk. “I’m so sorry, are you okay?” Hiro’s hand slams onto the edge of the desk, gripping it tightly.

“I’m okay, I’m okay.” His voice was a little strangled and there was the tinny sound of music coming through headphones. Honey Lemon helps his brother up, so that he’s kneeling with his head and shoulders just barely clearing the desk top. He looks dazed, headphones knocked half off.

“Sorry Hiro.” She apologizes again, patting at his shoulders. Hiro waves his hand vaguely, and she bends down to pull his desk chair back up.

“Aw shoot.”

“What?”

“I was recording the whole thing.” The video clicks off, but not before Tadashi gets a good look at Hiro’s disgruntled expression and hears Honey Lemon’s trill of laughter.

 

“So today I went and got my first tattoo.” Hiro sounds so proud as he holds up his arm, a swath of bandages around his left wrist. Unlike the other videos this one is taken in the garage. Gogo rolls into view in the background, sitting backwards in the other desk chair.

“And he only fainted once.” Hiro whirls around and points.

“Quiet you. I did not faint.” He turns back to the camera to repeat with equal vehemence. “I did not faint. I passed out from...uh...manly pain.” Gogo blows a bubble and pops it.

“Yeah, that’s called fainting.” She says and rolls back out of the camera frame.

“I did not faint!” Hiro calls after her.

 

“Ha! Got my matching tattoo!”

“And he didn’t faint this time.”

“I didn’t faint the first time either!”

 

Tadashi skips back to the folder from Hiro at sixteen.

“Check it!” A much younger looking Hiro holds up a piece of paper with his photo in black and white and official looking typeface on it. “My learner’s permit!” Tadashi feels a faint sort of dread in his stomach. Hiro driving. On screen, Hiro continues blithely on.

“Aunt Cass says Gogo _isn’t_ allowed to teach me how to drive. Which I think is _lame_.” Hiro snorts. “But Wasabi says he’s willing to take up the challenge.”

 

“Wasabi says, he’ll take up the challenge again once I’ve figured out what a speed limit is and how to use the breaks.”

 

A shot of Hiro proudly holding up a small yellow piece of paper, grin wide on his face.

“First speeding ticket!”

 

There’s a video of Hiro at fifteen, wearing pajamas, nose red and eyes bright with fever. Tadashi’s heart lurches painfully at what he says.

“So I’m running a fever of a hundred and two right now. _Normally_ , Tadashi would tie me to the bed. Weirdo. And stop me from sciencing. Something about using blowtorches and welding not  being a smart move in my _state_. But he’s not here now! So on with the-” The door to the room is violently thrown open to reveal Wasabi, in all his pink apron wearing, bowl of soup carrying, glory. He zeros in on Hiro and Tadashi can see the minute widening of Hiro’s eyes. The ‘oh shit I’m caught’ expression.

“Hiro Hamada, you get back into bed this _instant_!”

 

It was a comfort to know how much his friends had stepped in with regards to Hiro. It was a comfort to see how they had filled in and around his life. Supported him when Tadashi could not. Celebrated, mourned, helped and lived with Hiro. They were with his idiot of a brother every step of the way. Super hero and beyond. Taking over the duties that Tadashi couldn’t cover anymore. Making sure that Hiro was never alone, helping him move on. Equally parts bullying and caring and using dirty tricks Tadashi wouldn’t have thought of and bribes or treats he hadn’t ever considered Hiro would like.(It was also a bit of an ego boost to know it took four people and Baymax to fill in Tadashi’s spot.)

It was a comfort to know his brother hadn’t ever been _alone_.

 

“Here,” Wasabi says, sometime over the last couple hours, the rest of his friends had filtered into the room, crowded around the computer, watching the sometimes brief, sometimes long clips of Hiro’s life. He leans around Tadashi’s shoulder and clicks on what seems like a random recent video. “You need to watch this one.” It starts up with Hiro, the oldest looking Hiro yet, alone in their room, it’s late afternoon, the sun turning the background of his room golden and red. He seems nervous, in a twitchy tired kind of way. Hiro takes a deep breath and lets it out in a sigh, centers and calms himself.

“Okay real talk this time.” Hiro runs a hand through his hair, eyes avoiding the screen, he hasn’t once looked at the camera like in the other videos. This is from the month before Hiro’s death. He’s nineteen, still with unruly hair, but with a piercing in his right earlobe.

“I’m not a kid anymore so let’s face the facts here. This...this superhero thing? Probably going to kill me.” Tadashi’s breath catches in his throat, comes out as a soft whine. “Hopefully not for a while yet, but let’s be realistic, I might not be around when Tadashi wakes up. And it’ll be my fault because I’m right here, I’m at the point where I know exactly what the stakes are. And I’m...I’m not going to walk away. I _can’t_.” He tugs distractedly at the piercing.

“There was a house fire last night, and you know me.” A self deprecating smile that Tadashi can barely make out through his tears. When did he start crying? Wasabi's hand tightens on his shoulder. “Not the best at dealing with fires, but there was this kid still in the house and the firefighters couldn’t get to her. But I did. I carried her out of there with my own two hands. If I quit, if I hang up the helmet and the armor, no one’s going to think less of me. Except me. If I quit, if I walk away, there won’t be anyone there to save the next one. Or the one after that. I know I can’t save _everyone_ , but I can save _some_.” Hiro nods once, a sure sudden movement of his chin. “That’s enough.”

Tadashi’s heart stops, because suddenly Hiro is looking right at the camera, brown eyes looking through digital space, looking across time, across death itself, to see _him_. To talk to _him_.

“So Tadashi, if you’re watching this and I didn’t make it. I’m sorry, I’m _so, so sorry_.” Tadashi’s hand jerks, a quick aborted gesture to pause the video, but slaps the hand over his mouth instead. He wonders if this is how Hiro felt when Baymax showed him the videos of his progress. The tears are coming quicker then he can breathe, his breath hitching faster and faster as the need to really start sobbing overwhelms him. “I know what you’d say, that I’m a bone head, a knucklehead. But you also said someone had to help. And I guess, that someone was me.” Fred’s arms wrap around Tadashi’s shaking shoulders. “So I made you these videos. When I started they were mainly for me. But I passed that marker a long time ago, I mean I really don’t need a two minute clip of myself rocking out to music and falling on my ass. But _you_ might.” Hiro smiles again, bright and happy.

“I guess what I want to say is, thanks for everything, Tadashi. Try not to miss me _too_ much.” Hiro salutes the camera and the clip turns off.

Tadashi feels something slot back into place. Feels the anger and the guilt sliding away with his tears.

Arms surround him as he cries harder. Saying goodbye is _hard_. _It’s so hard_.

It’s a good thing his friends are here. They know him but they also know Hiro. They know who Hiro was and who he grew into. And now, thanks to Hiro’s own foresight, Tadashi does too.

He knows Hiro didn’t blame him. Hiro hadn’t been angry with him. More then that, Hiro had known _exactly_ what he was doing, even to the end, _especially_ to the end.

Tadashi finds he can’t be angry with Hiro, not when he set those standards himself. Instead he finds that he’s proud. He’s so very proud of Hiro, more then he’d ever been before. Hiro helped so many people. Inspired so many people. It’s going to be a tough act to follow.

Tadashi doesn’t mind in the least if he spends the rest of a long life, living up to the standards Hiro set in his death.(Which was the standard Tadashi had set. Trying to one up each other was a time honored sibling tradition.)

He knows where to start too.

With the red box in the garage lab.

There was so much work to be done.

 

_“Hey big bro.” Tadashi turns at the sound, and the boy, the man standing in front of him looks like Hiro, looks like Hiro went and grew up. And got a piercing, and what looks like a tattoo around his wrist, two tattoos actually, on either wrist. Tadashi isn’t sure he approves._

_“Hiro?” He ventures uncertainly, and yeah, that’s definitely Hiro’s trademark smile. Gap and all._

_“Yeah!”_

_“What are you doing here?” Never mind that Tadashi himself didn’t exactly know where here was._

_“I came to say...uh, I came to see you, obviously.” Well, Tadashi couldn’t fault that. It had been...how long had it been? He was disturbed to find he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his brother. Or talked to him for that matter. Clearly it had been a while, Hiro’s much older then fourteen appearance notwithstanding._

_“Hiro, what?” His brother had wrapped him up in the tightest hug Tadashi had ever been given._

_“Missed you. Missed you so damn much.” Hiro said into his shoulder, pulling back to look Tadashi in the eye before Tadashi could say anything about the swearing, his hands gripping Tadashi’s upper biceps. “Love you, love you always, but I’m gonna have to go on ahead.” He said, still with a smile, now tinged with sadness. The phrase fills Tadashi with a cold feeling of dread._

_“Go where? Hiro, what’s going on?” Hiro just shakes his head, stepping back, letting go of Tadashi. “Hiro!”_

_“Time’s up.” His brother’s teeth are flashing white, eyes bright stars in the darkness that curls around the brothers. “Life’s pretty awesome, bro.” He punched Tadashi’s shoulder affectionately. “You keep at it, I’ll meet you when you’re done.”_

_Tadashi’s eyes open to the bright white of a hospital ceiling and the beeping of a heart monitor._

_'Cause we're all just kids_   
_Who grew up way too fast_   
_Yeah the good die young_   
_But the great will always last_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic as a way to write Hiro being the giant dork we all know he is.  
> And then February rolled around.  
> If you're from the RvB fandom, then you know why that's significant. The last things Hiro says in the fic are based on a Monty Oum tweet. It seemed appropriate.  
> I always thought it'd be deliciously ironic and tragic if Tadashi survived in a coma and Hiro died in unrelated circumstances before he woke up.


End file.
